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December 7, 2023 Dec 07, 2023 6 min read

How to Recognize Sexual Coercion

Highlights

  • Sexual coercion is the non-physical act of pressuring, persuading, tricking, threatening, or otherwise manipulating someone into sex
  • Though it comes in many forms, sexual coercion can be broken down into four categories – manipulation, persuasion, guilt, and threats
  • Sex that happens as a result of coercion is sexual assault

Understanding sexual coercion is an important step in cultivating a healthy relationship to sex and consent. Once we know how to recognize sexual coercion, we become more skilled at understanding our experiences and setting healthy boundaries in our relationships. In this article, we’ll outline a definition for sexual coercion, discuss how it shows up, and propose some ideas for how to recognize it in the moment.

 

What Is Sexual Coercion?

Sexual coercion is any non-physical act of pressuring, persuading, tricking, threatening, or otherwise manipulating someone into sex. While someone might eventually cooperate or even verbally agree after facing persistent pressure, any sex that occurs as a result of coercion, however subtle, is not consensual.

 

Sex that occurs as a result of coercion is defined as sexual assault and/or rape. Despite common misconceptions, physical force is not required for an encounter to be classified as an assault. Many examples of sexual coercion are verbal, emotional, or psychological in nature.

 

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Examples of Sexual Coercion

Sexual coercion exists on a spectrum. It can include anything from threats and intimidation to the strategic use of drugs or alcohol.

 

While sexual coercion can show up in a variety of ways, the techniques can be broken down into four basic categories – manipulation, persuasion, guilt, and threats.

  • Manipulation

     Examples of sexual coercion through manipulation include:

    • Lying to or misleading someone as a way of getting them to agree to sex (ex: lying about STI status)
    • Exploiting a position of power or authority for sex (ex: promising someone an interview, raise, grade improvement, etc. in exchange for sex)
    • Reacting negatively with anger, sadness, resentment, etc. if someone does not initially agree to sex (also an example of intimidation and emotional abuse)

       

  • Persuasion

    Examples of sexual coercion through persuasion include:

    • Providing someone with drugs or alcohol to lower their defenses and inhibitions
    • Continuing to ask or persuade after someone says no to sex
    • “Love-bombing” (ex: giving excessive or insincere compliments, lavish gifts, or empty promises as a way of gaining access to someone sexually)
    • Rationalizing the need for sex (ex: saying things like “men need sex” or “healthy relationships require sex”)

       

  • Guilt

    Examples of sexual coercion through guilt include:

    • Exploiting your circumstances to guilt someone into sex (ex: saying things “I’ve been working so hard all week…” or “Things have been stressful for me recently, this would really help me relax…”)
    • Turning someone else’s lack of sexual interest into a problem (ex: “It’s not fair to me that you never want to have sex…”)
    • Using money, gifts, dates, etc. as a way of guilting someone into sex (ex: “I took you on this expensive date, and now you won’t even sleep with me…” or “The least you could do is repay me after everything I did for you…”)
    • Doing or saying anything to create the sense that someone owes you sex or should feel badly for not agreeing to sex

       

  • Threats

    Examples of sexual coercion through threats include:

    • Threatening to leave or end the relationship if sex isn’t granted
    • Threatening to become violent or unpredictable if sex isn’t granted
    • Threatening to do anything as a direct result of not getting what you want sexually

How to Tell if You’re Being Sexually Coerced

Recognizing sexual coercion can sometimes be difficult, especially when the strategies used are subtle or manipulative. However, it’s important to tune into your internal sense of desire and consent to determine if you’re being coerced. In most cases, someone who’s experiencing sexual coercion will feel a sense of pressure, hesitancy, uncertainty, or uneasiness.

 

To help yourself determine if you’re experiencing sexual coercion, ask yourself the following questions…

 

  1. “Do I genuinely want to be sexual with this person at this time?”
  2. “Am I feeling obligated or pressured into having sex with this person right now?”
  3. “If so, is the pressure, guilt, or obligation I’m feeling coming from me or the other person?”
  4. “Am I feeling afraid of what might happen if I don’t have sex with this person right now?”
  5. “Would I feel safe saying ‘no’ or expressing my lack of interest?”

If you’re feeling a sense of external pressure or obligation or feeling fearful about saying no to a sexual encounter, these are sure signs you’re experiencing a form of sexual coercion.

Conclusion

Understanding sexual coercion is a critical part of developing a safe and healthy relationship to sex and the other people in our lives. To deepen your understanding further, check out our article titled “What Is Consent?”

Summary :

Sexual coercion is the non-physical act of pressuring, persuading, tricking, threatening, or otherwise manipulating someone into sex. Though it comes in many forms, sexual coercion can be broken down into four categories – manipulation, persuasion, guilt, and threats. Sex that happens as a result of coercion (even subtle forms) is considered sexual assault. Recognizing sexual coercion can sometimes be difficult, but most people who experience sexual coercion feel a sense of pressure, hesitancy, uncertainty, or uneasiness. To understand sexual coercion fully, it’s important to also develop a nuanced understanding of consent, which requires tuning into one’s own internal sense of desire.

About the Author

Dana Anastasia (they/them) is an independent writer, editor, podcaster, and artist. With a degree in interdisciplinary sociology and a background in domestic violence and sexual assault advocacy, Dana brings a keen awareness of victim and survivor needs and experiences to their work. Learn more at www.danaanastasia.com.



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